No one said that wedding planning is not complicated. Then add in wording the wedding invitation when certain people are paying and families have went through divorce and it makes the wording nearly impossible. Last year, I wrote Part One and Part Two of the Difficult Wedding series. Since then, I have drawn from questions from real brides that were not addressed. Here are some more real situations from real brides, answered.
"What do I do when the parents of the groom are divorced, and the father is remarried and the mother is not? Who comes first on the invitation? The mother is paying for the majority of the wedding." So it sounds like the parents of the groom are the hosts of the wedding. In general, the father’s name comes before the mother’s, so…
Mr. John and Judy Smith (the father and his wife)
and Ms. Mary Smith (the mother)
request the honor of your presence
This would be perfectly appropriate. As long as all of the hosts are listed, it should not matter who is paying for the majority. If you and all parties involved would feel more comfortable with the mother’s name coming first, then do it.
"My fiancé’s parents are divorced, and his mother remarried but his dad did not. He recently lost his father and we would like to include both his mother and father on the invitation, however, his mother has not given us any money for the wedding and his father did before his passing. What should we do?"
As far as including the father on the invitation, it would be appropriate to say…
Mr. and Mrs. Adam Field
And the late Mr. James Adler
However, the tricky part is that the father gave you money for the wedding and the mother did not, so technically, the late father is hosting the wedding. To get around this sticky situation, I would recommend saying…
Together with our parents
We, Jessica Ann Gellar
And Robert Kyle Medina
Request the honor of your presence…
Then you are identifying the parents as the hosts of the wedding without singling out the late father as the host.
"What should I say on my wedding invitations when we are pitching in, my mom and stepfather, but not my biological father? My biological father will be participating in the wedding but not contributing financially."
As family situations become increasingly complicated, our Invitation Consultants field questions such as this one. To simplify the situation, it appears as though there is no clear cut host, which causes confusion as to word the wedding invitations. This is a situation where I would recommend a traditional wording, not naming hosts in a traditional way, such as “The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of…”
Consider honoring your mom and stepfather in another special way, such as a special thank you at the rehearsal dinner or on your wedding program. Any measure of gratitude will be appreciated. It does not just have to be on the invitations.
There are so many different family structures and situations that there is no way that etiquette can cover every situation. The most important thing is that you and your fiancé feel comfortable, as well as your family. If you find yourself in a complicated situation, ask the other people involved what they would feel comfortable with and go from there. That is the best etiquette of all!
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